grimelords:

Telling the substitute teacher the wrong names: a classic. Telling the substitute teacher you are so old and born again every day, that ten thousand names could never define you, that you’re a shadowed mass swirling forth from jupiter, that your father is time and your mother is death, that you’ll swallow any scream of hers as you grow larger and ever larger: a super classic, king of the school, no homework ever.

sniffing:

if we’re in a mutual you should give me your:

skypes

snapchats

kiks

iMessages

money

drugs

social security #’s

go!!!!!!

vercxce:

My internet was down for 5 minutes so i went downstairs and spoke to my family

They seem like nice people

if my jokes offend you:

  1. i’m sorry
  2. it won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. you’re a pussy

(Source: 69shadesofgray)